From whelmed, to overwhelmed, and back to just plain whelmed.

Today I got sustained as the second counselor in the young women’s presidency. For my friends that need Mormon translation—I am now working with the youth in my congregation at church; a very busy and demanding job, but worth it. I realize that this is a big blessing in many ways, but I have to admit I found myself freaking out a little bit.

Let me explain. This makes calling number 3 in addition to teaching Sunday school and being activity chairs. Sunday school isn’t too crazy, but with the activities committee we just finished humanitarian night and our Halloween carnival and now we need to get started on our Adult Christmas Gala and Family Christmas party, and winter retreat.

In the grad school department, I have a 30 page research paper due in about a month and I am still really sketchy on what I am doing; unfortunately for my partner who probably thinks I am a nut case. I have 5 reading and cognitive assessments to turn into my assessing literacy professor and I haven’t figured out how to do them yet, let alone figured out when and who I am going to do them on. Bonus- all of the other required readings…

On the career front, I got evaluated from my princ-i-pal on Friday. Yes, the pal wasn’t so pal-ish because he did pick HALLOWEEN to evaluate me!!! He said I did fine, but still… I am still learning the new reading curriculum and look forward to the day where I don’t have to think up anything because I already have lesson plans for it. Although this will probably never happen, it’s nice to dream about. We have a new writing program too and I need to figure it out. I swear I could live in my classroom if I had a bed and a shower. I already have the fridge and the microwave.

Well, add all these things and this new calling together and what do you get? Me saying I’m fine. But we all know what fine means right? Courtesy of Italian job, “FINE = Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional.”

It is times like this that I am grateful to be married to the greatest man in the world and be part of a church that allows my worthy husband the opportunity to give me a blessing with the power of the priesthood. In today’s sacrament meeting we had our monthly fast and testimony meeting; a lady got up and bore her testimony about how things around her were just falling apart and she felt prompted to ask for a blessing. She said she asked her husband immediately because she “felt brave”. I found it funny that she used that phrasing because we shouldn’t need to fear asking, but I do understand her hesitating because as women in the church, we respect the priesthood so much that we wouldn’t want to misuse or abuse the privilege by asking for trivial blessings. The truth is that God loves us and that if it is important to us it is important to him. And this weekend I needed him, and I know he was here for me.

Daren gave me a blessing tonight. I know that his words were inspired. It said to take one day at a time. To take time for myself (thus the reason for my blabbing on my blog…) It said to draw closer to Jesus Christ and learn more about him. It said that the spirit will help me through. I am blessed and abundantly grateful.

Other things have been weighing us down, in particular our lack of ability to start a family. I want to be a mom so bad. We hung out with our friends Josh and Rachel this weekend and their little baby. Daren is a champ at making that kid laugh, and I can hardly wait until he makes our own little one laugh like that. I know that there is a commandment that says “thou shalt not covet” but this one is just too hard.

We went to the temple on Saturday to pray about it. Daren felt inspired to bring our patriarchal blessings so we could read them in the celestial room. We went through the session and at the end they told us that they were going to have a short sealing session (when deceased families are tied together for eternity.) We decided to go. It was a really good experience and I know that our Heavenly Father had every intention for us to be there. The sealer took the time to teach us that the sealing ordinance is directly tied to the endowment AND our patriarchal blessings are directly tied to the endowment and the sealing ordinance. I was flabbergasted. It was something that I guess I have known for a long time but had never connected it that way. And what is the connection? The blessings of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob; Posterity and Eternal life. As we read through our blessings after our experience in the sealing room, we had another confirmation that we can have our own children. It will work out. We still need to do our part of looking for better doctors and taking care of our fertility problems, but once we do I know the windows of heaven will be opened to us.

I called my mom to let her know about what had happened that day and just to talk to her. I always feel better when I talk to my mom. Before I had told her the whole story, she said she had an idea and wanted to have a family fast and temple day for us. This really touched me because I know our Heavenly Father is so aware of us. He sends us angels in the form of mothers. I told her that I was grateful for the offer, but I want to wait until we do our part first. So this week, add another thing to our “to do list”—look for doctors. Then we will let our other faithful family members help. We are so blessed in that department as well… Heavenly Father loves us.

I guess the point of my rambling tonight is this: Lately I have been feeling weak and weary of all that is swirling around me; but through the gospel of Jesus Christ I feel I can make it. It is all about attitude and how we look at things. David O. McKay said that attitude effects altitude. I bear my testimony that whatever position in life we find ourselves in, the Lord is there to guide us through it. I know that the burdens we are given are bearable if we yoke ourselves with Jesus Christ. This is an opportunity to go through the refiner’s fire and come out a little better than I was before; to be a little wiser, a little more patient, and a little stronger.

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” Ether 12:27