Eventually comes

Eventually comes.

This is my Eventually necklace from R House Couture.

I bought it right after I wrote {this post}, because I needed something to remind me that the word eventually implies events actually occurring in their own time. It implies that it is okay to hope because things are going to happen... eventually. Eventually also implies waiting, and as hard as this may be...

Eventually always comes.

I have been dying to blog for the longest time... to be able to express the thoughts and feelings I have had over the last 3 weeks.

4 weeks ago I was saying:

Eventually this ache will go away.

Eventually we will be picked.

Eventually we will have children and have an eternal family.

Within the last few weeks a lot of those eventually statements have started to come.

October 16th we got an email that changed our lives. I was a little nervous at first and tried not to let myself think much of it. Two weeks before we had gotten our first contact from a birthparent due in November, but we never heard back from her. It was hard to get our hopes up, but we responded back to the email and another miracle happened... she emailed us back!

The emails progressed and we got to know her a little better over the next few days. She is from Alaska and totally loves it, she loves all kinds of sports and being active, She is in the army reserves and is a recent convert to the church. She got to know us too and she said that the more she got to know us the more she felt right about us.

Then, 5 days after first talking, I popped on to Facebook to see Brittani. October 21st, 2009 she told us that she wanted my husband and me to be the parents of her baby.

{SCREAM}

and it was loud too...

Can I just say that facebook will forever have a special place in my heart?

Here is a woman I barely knew, walking with faith and trusting her Heavenly Father as she told us this. This was literally one of those 'eventually' moments coming to pass, forever changing our lives in the course of this life and eternity.

From the beginning we started telling her we loved her. How can you love someone you hardly know? I guess the same way you love a child growing in your belly, or other unborn children waiting to come into your family. We love her because she is the mother of our daughter and she is going to be forever in our hearts and considered as a very important person in what will eventually become our very extended family. Our love continues to grow for her each day as we witness her strength and faith in what she is doing, and especially as she expresses her love for this little girl who is coming into the world on January 14^th. (or fairly close to it!)

Adoption today is so different than it use to be. Some people don’t understand how I can get to know her, or why she would want to get to know us. I don’t understand how I couldn’t.

Some people don’t understand how she is able to do this. To put it simply, she isn’t doing this because it’s about her or us. She is the most unselfish person I know. She is doing this because she loves her daughter. On her daughter’s birthday she will give her precious little baby two parents that love her and each other; and in a few months they will become a forever family in the temple of our Lord. If I were in her shoes, I would not be able to do what she is doing unless I understood what a powerful thing this is. We thank God everyday that she does understand.

Some people don’t get how we can love and be happy with another woman’s baby as our own. [Seriously, I was telling our happy news and someone said, “oh, so that means you can’t have your own children then? I’m so sorry.”] Maybe some people can’t, but as for us, we already do. We can’t wait to see her sweet little face and hold her in our arms and love her to pieces. Really the only way to understand all of this is to accept it for what it is: a miracle.

It seems like miracles are unfolding everyday; everything from people looking for ways to help us to me getting through another statistics class (That is a whole other story).

We are so blessed to know our Heavenly Father is in the details.

We are so blessed to have Brittani and this little wonder come into our lives.

Our Heavenly Father loves us.

Miracles Happen.

Eventually comes.

Happy Sunday

I don't know if any of you have ever checked out the Mormon Messages on YouTube or not, but it seems like the church is putting them out every week or so now. I love watching them, especially on Sundays because it really gives me a boost. This one is really what it is all about...

Finding Blessings in Annoying Circumstances.

Once upon an autumn afternoon, a lady goes to work in her classroom and tackle the mountain of papers she has neglected to grade this week. After getting into her room and setting down her things, she feels the need to pee. She heads to the restroom and then returns to find that she has locked herself out once AGAIN, but this time without her car keys, badge key, wallet, or cell phone! She desperately walks the halls to see if anyone neglected to lock their door for the weekend and find a phone, but with no luck. She was left with no choice but to walk home, the whole 4.25 miles.

{Can you guess who this lady is? Unfortunately for myself it was me!}

As annoying as the circumstances were, it gave me some much needed time to think. It was a blessing that I had a sweater on, and that it wasn’t too cold. It was a blessing that the grey clouds stayed away and the rain with them. It was nice to listen to the leaves rustling in the trees and crunch under my feet. It was nice to see the farm animals carryon the way they do; I saw goats, cows, horses, and farm geese along the way. And it was good to have an hour and a half to just let myself think about all of the craziness of this week.


I have never felt so much emotion all at the same time for such a long period of time. Blessed. Scared. Happy. Sad. Confident. Worried. Peaceful. Anxious. BAFFLED. All of these words might describe how I am feeling but yet are completely off. I don’t know that there is a word to describe how I feel. I just know that I am so grateful and blessed for a special woman in Alaska, and for her little one that she has chosen to place in our arms in January. I want to write and tell every little detail, but like Mary, I think I am going to ponder these things in my heart a little longer. Thank you for all your well wishes everyone! We love you!

We are counting our blessings tonight!!!

New Life

Little Miss Tibbs gave birth to SEVEN kittens this afternoon. We missed the birth of the first two but we were able to watch the next five. It was crazy, but kind of amazing all at the same time. It was incredible how she knew exactly what to do as each one arrived. Now she seems a little unsure of her self. She is meowing a lot when we are not in with her and is moving around a lot. If we sit with her she is fine. What's her deal? Hopefully everyone will make it through the night. Any kitty advice?

Letting the warm-fuzzies do their thing:

FYI: This is a really long post.

I am not gonna’ lie. Last week was a LONG week. Between getting our hopes up, and gently letting hopes down, crazy kids at work (the cute kind of crazy), a crazy professor with a scary stats test (the not so cute kind of crazy), and a to-do list with 98 things on it, my metaphorical gas tank was on empty. I know I sound like a whiner. I will admit it, I am one. The nice thing about it though is when we ask for blessings, The Lord delivers, and usually through other people.

This person right here was the deliverer. Mrs. R is quite the adoption celebrity in the blogosphere. I can’t remember how I stumbled across her daily snippets of wisdom, but I am hooked. I guess maybe because she’s walked in my shoes and I often feel that no one wears my size. Last night we went to our first FSA fireside and Mrs. R was the guest speaker.

She began by quoting Dieter F. Uchtdorf’s talk, The Infinite Power of Hope. I thought that was a little funny since I had been drawn to the same talk earlier on in the week (I posted a snippet on my blog below last Thursday.) Elder Uchtdorf’s words really resonate with me, especially since I have been having “hope issues”. As a “hopeful adoptive parent” you would think that would mean super cheery, bubbly, and excited; looking forward to THE phone call or THE email that signifies THE moment that you are chosen to be a parent. I want to be all of those things. But I will be the first of many to tell you the truth. It is so hard. Hard to trust. Hard to trust that it will happen, hard to trust that other people will grant you the things you want more than anything in this life, hard to trust that the Lord will remember you…

It is so easy to let yourself feel forgotten.

Elder Uchtdorf reminds us why it is so important to maintain this stuff called hope:

“Hope has the power to fill our lives with happiness. Its absence—when this desire of our heart is delayed—can make “the heart sick.”

The adversary uses despair to bind hearts and minds in suffocating darkness. Despair drains from us all that is vibrant and joyful and leaves behind the empty remnants of what life was meant to be. Despair kills ambition, advances sickness, pollutes the soul, and deadens the heart. Despair can seem like a staircase that leads only and forever downward.

Hope, on the other hand, is like the beam of sunlight rising up and above the horizon of our present circumstances. It pierces the darkness with a brilliant dawn. It encourages and inspires us to place our trust in the loving care of an eternal Heavenly Father, who has prepared a way for those who seek for eternal truth in a world of relativism, confusion, and of fear.”

Mrs. R then went on to connect President Monson’s Warm Fuzzies talk to how so many of us feel about infertility, adoption, and hope. When asked what President Monson wanted for his birthday he asked people to do something kind for someone else who needed it. In the adoption world, all we need a little kindness, understanding, and HOPE. Mrs. R brought us the Warm Fuzzy jar of hope.

To put it simply, when you get married, your jar is overflowing with these warm-fuzzies of hope. You just know you are going to get the perfect job, with the perfect house, and fill it with the perfect children who have all of your best features and all of this will come into your life with perfect timing…

And then, the doctor says, “Sorry, that dream isn’t for you.” And then all of the warm-fuzzies fall out of the jar. Either that or the jar gets thrown against the wall and shatters into a million pieces. Probably more of the second one, if I had to pick. You just feel empty. Numb. Alone. Weak. Broken.

Mrs. R hit the nail on the head. She knew exactly how I felt at the bottom of my own little despair barrel. How does one come back from this? How could someone regain the strength required to maintain that sense of hope in the future that is so necessary to be happy in life? She shared this quote:

“Perhaps strength doesn't reside in having never been broken...but in the courage required to grow strong in the broken places.”

I was thinking last night about broken hearts. Wondering how many times it felt shattered and I had the task of putting it back together again. Then it hit me that it will continue to break for the rest of my life and I will always end up putting it back together. It helped me to think of my broken heart more as a puzzle that I know all too well rather than shards of broken glass. If the Lord requires a broken heart and a contrite spirit, I am an expert. Maybe through all this I will prove to be stronger than I ever thought I could be.

If I can find the strength to put my broken heart together again, maybe I can find the strength to hope. Elder Uchtdorf gave this definition of hope:

“Hope is not knowledge, but rather the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promise to us. It is confidence that if we live according to God’s laws and the words of His prophets now, we will receive desired blessings in the future. It is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance.”

And so it is back to trusting in the Lord. I know that God is in the details. I know he knows how this all plays out. Hope is not knowledge but trust that the Lord is going to keep his end of the deal. So how do we get to the business of filling a new hope jar?

Mrs. R talked about in order to have a new dream, you have to let the old one die. This is so hard. Getting our papers in and getting our profile up seemed like the start of a new dream, but have I really let the old one go? The dreams of hearing the heart beat for the first time. The dream of feeling the first flutter of life inside me. The dream of watching my “innie” turn into an “outie”. The dreams of swapping pregnancy stories and maternity clothes. Dreams that I have looked forward to and yet I know they will never be realized in this lifetime, are so hard to let go of.

This brings me back though to a discussion with a friend awhile back though about infertility, asking myself, “Do I want to be pregnant, or do I want to be a mother?”

I want to be a mother.

This is what gives me the courage to believe in the new dream. The dream of holding a new life that I can teach about all the wonderful things in this world. A life that I can show how wonderful and beautiful the gospel of Jesus Christ really is. A life that will magnify the love of our family a million times over.

It is scary to hope for something that you want so badly because if you don’t get it you feel like you will quite literally die. It is scary to hope for something like this because I have no control over any of it. It is all up to the will of two young parents, the inspiration of the spirit, and guidance of the Lord. But what kind of mother would I be if I didn’t throw my fears aside and let hope in? I know it will happen… eventually.

Reasons to be hopeful in the new dream (Courtesy of Mrs. R of course):

• The sealing power is more powerful than DNA.
  


• The Lord asked Abraham to give up Isaac (his fertility miracle) not because he wanted to see if Abraham would be obedient—he knew he would be; but because Abraham needed to know Abraham would be willing follow the Lord. {The Lord already has faith in us; he gave us this trial because he knew we could handle it.}
  


• We were made this way on purpose. We aren't broken. God doesn’t make mistakes. We are fulfilling our own unique measure of our creation through adoption.
  


• The scriptures are jam-packed with infertility and adoption stories including: Sarah, Hannah, Rachel, Elizabeth, Moses, and yes, even Jesus Christ was adopted (by Joseph).
  


• 10-15% of the Lord’s children experience infertility. Is it any wonder he has given us the stories above in the scriptures? {Others have walked our path. It isn’t easy but it is achievable, with the help of our Savior.}
  


• As we walk this road we have an opportunity to have compassion. Compassion for people yearning for children, compassion for birthmothers who yearn to keep their babies, but walk in faith that they are doing what is best for their children, and compassion for those who just “don’t get it”. Weird I know, but some days it takes all of the compassion I can muster for those who suffer from ignorance. As we bare one another’s burdens we find hope in unity. There were probably at least 20 other couples there last night. It was amazing to actually see that we weren’t alone on our journey.
  


• Mrs. R’s quote: “If the Lord chastens who he loves, I must be his favorite child.”
  


• “Eventually” always comes. Just like the leaves eventually fall off the trees, they eventually come back. Just like the warm-fuzzies fell out of our jar, they will eventually come back. Just like the Lord “remembered Rachel”, eventually the Lord will remember Shannon. Just like we have prayed for our babies, they will eventually come home. Eventually will happen.
  

I am grateful for answered prayers. I am grateful for the word eventually. I am grateful for hope. I am grateful for a Heavenly Father, a Savior, and a Holy Spirit that make all of this possible.

And I am grateful for Mrs. R’s warm-fuzzies and the HOPE they brought me last night.

Because sometimes I forget how true this is...

See this smile on my face?

Yep, despite the snow and almost running out of gas today, I have a smile on my face. I am grateful for family and friends that love us, blessings from above, people who have big hearts, and a Heavenly Father that cares about the details in our lives. We are blessed.

Hilarious.

I ended up successfully waiting for my missionary and ended up marrying him. If I didn't maybe Daren would have ended up singing this one:

Shannie B. Cheater Pants

So, Janae will appreciate this one. I started a real diet this week and lost 6 pounds! All thanks to wellness pro. Only 19 to go plus my cheating I did last night. I was pretty good this week, and then the darn preschool had to go make breakfast in the AFTERNOON of all things. It left me craving french toast and sausage all night! I finally broke down after getting home at about 10:30 last night and got out the frying pan. Oh well, today's a new day!

Idaho State Fair and Rodney Atkins!

We went to the fair Saturday and LOVED it!

We looked at all of the animals. We love all the 4-H exhibits and think it is so fun that kids learn how to raise everything. We walked through the horse barn and found a whole row of horses that belonged to 3 different families in our ward. So fun to see them!

We ate and ate and ate some more.

It started with a tiger ear.

Then frozen lemonade.

Next was a funnel cake made from the stand that some of the girls from our ward were working.

Then we saw a sign for cheese curds.

Now remember: I am from Minnesota. Minnesota cheese curds are deep fried melty goodness from heaven. Daren goes to pay for the cheese curds and comes back with IDAHO CHEESE CURDS: cold squeaky cheese. Whoops.

Then we got an indian taco, carmel apple, cinnimon almonds, and some homemade bread from the bread barn, because "if you haven't been to the bread barn, you haven't been to the fair!"

We were stuffed silly.

Then we saw Daren's Cousin Davin and his sweet little family! They just moved back from Oregon and it was so good to see their little boys. They are so cute! Hopefully we get to see them a little more now that they are back in Idaho.

THEN

We went to our show!

RODNEY ATKINS!!!

It is hard to believe, but this was Daren's first concert outside of BYU-I.

We were in the Grand Stand, but they were really perfect seats because they were right in the middle.

Rodney was sooo entertaining! He has the best songs because it is all about real life with a sense of humor.

Do you think Daren had a good time? I think his favorite song was "Best Things".

LOVED IT!

Love him!

Then we went to the Midway.

The midway games are always pretty entertaining to watch. The prizes are all pretty lame, but this one takes the cake. I mean what kid wouldn't want a life size Homer who is wearing a speedo and missing a flipflop?

I married a stud.

And he took me on the ferris wheel :)

He also let me ride my all time favorite ride-- The SWINGS!

I totally love the feeling of flying and then the silly dizziness afterward!

We had such a good time! We can't wait until next year!!!

Reminiscing and hoping.

I remember where I was eight years ago. I remember where I was when I watched the second tower fall. This morning I was explaining to my students what Patriot Day is, and it hit me that they weren't even born yet when it happened. Despite all of the evil and sadness that is in this world, it amazes me that hope and goodness are still available to those who seek it. It is a wonderful, beautiful thing.

Thoughts from a teacher:

Our school district has chosen not to show the President's webcast to our younger students not yet in High School. It makes me sad that politics and opinions are influencing the general respect we should be giving to the office of the President of the United States of America. Even if you do not like Barack Obama as a leader, he is still our leader and he is still our President. Bad mouthing him to America's children only breeds distrust and fear in our country, when what we should be doing is teaching them respect for our country, it's offices, and what we personally as citizens can do to help our country become better and how we can support it. This may include teaching them to follow issues, writing letters to representatives or even our President, teaching them to be thinkers and decide for themselves what is good and right. Political differences set aside, the American people still love their country. God bless America, because we are going to need it.

The whirlwind called Augtember

Augtember. Yes I just made up a new month and it is called Augtember and it is going by so fast that it is really hard to remember what has happened, but I will try!

Back to school: I officially went back to work August 17th, but I had been in and out all month trying to get my new classroom set up. This is my THIRD room in the last 3 years, but hopefully now I will be in here for ever. I am pretty much planning on either retiring from there or dying there in about 37 years after all of the work I did to get moved.

My students showed up on August 20th. I have 23 students, which for first grade is a little big. 20 is ideal and anything less is heaven. At least they seem to be a really REALLY nice group of kids this year. After we get through the "Teacher! Teacher! Can you {Blank} for me?" stage, it will be a lot easier. They are really cute and they seem very smart. They catch on to procedures really well and are so fun to joke around with. I love my Job!

Anniversary: August 20th was the first day of school and also Daren's and my FOURTH anniversary! I can't believe how fast it goes. Because of how busy things were we weren't exactly sure what we were going to do to celebrate. We both went to work unsure of what our plans were.

While Daren was at work he pumped some gas for the owner of Craigo's. He got to talking with her and told her that it was our anniversary and that we actually met at Craigo's. She said "Oh that's neat!" She started to write on a paper and told him, "Here is a free meal for two, get dressed up and we will get a photographer and hang your picture on the wall!" So we did. And it was fun. It is hard to believe that some pizza and friends were what brought us together over seven years ago. Time flies when you are having fun!

Family: The week before our anniversary, Daren got to go watch Allen & Gerb's kids while they went off for a weekend anniversary get away. He had so much fun and I wish I could have gone but I had stuff to deal with here : (

This week my Mom and Matt brought Trevor out for school @ BYU-Idaho. The third of the Clayton Clan has arrived to continue the legacy! Daren got Trevor a job at Ray's and he started on Tuesday. He finally got his apartment situation squared away and I think he can move in on Monday. School starts up for him on Thursday. Mom and Matt only got to stay for a few days, but we enjoyed hanging out and playing around the 'burg. Mom LOVES Porter's & Baijo and we made sure we got to both. We all sat around watching The Office and laughed so hard. I got to spend time with Mom just visiting and relaxing-- or chillaxing as Matt calls it. They left Thursday and I miss them already! I am already looking forward to Christmas!!!

Grad School: My master's program started back up on the 25th. My literacy specialist class seems like it is going to be pretty easy, but I am horrified of my behavioral statistics class. Our professor is intense and just lectures the whole time and I am about ready to cry. I think this is a class that getting less than an A is going to have to be totally acceptable. Any closet statistics lovers out there? I may need to come knocking on your door.

The next few weeks:Harvesting apples & tomatoes. Rodney Atkins. So excited. Friday, September 11th. Eastern Idaho State fair. Need I say more? I will on September 12th.

I hope you all had a good Augtember!

Book Review and Adoption Luvs from Mrs. R

I love reading the R House. It is part of my morning routine this summer. Today she did a book review on "You are my baby. I am your mommy." written by Kimberly Leclercq  and Mrs. R's writing gets me every time. I can not wait to read this book.  My favorite thing she said in regards to her feelings while reading this book, 

"My favorite page is the very first one in the story. the picture is of dandlelions blowing in the wind ...and you know how i feel about those. the copy reads,

'I had been LOOKING for you for so long. 

I spent so many days ANTICIPATING your arrival. 

Some days SEEMED SO LONG without you.'

as individuals who have struggled with infertility, sterility, childlessness and the waiting involved with adoption, haven't we all felt this?

this page sent me back ...back to the moment it all changed. back to sitting on the butcher paper at the doctor's office. back to being told "no, never, not possible." back to bawling all the way home. back to the stuggle between hope and hopeless.

back to the longing.

back to the heartarche.

back to the beginning of our adoption story.

back to a place that i NEED to remember to appreciate the miracles. the many, many miracles.

Everywhere in nature we are taught the lessons of patience and waiting. We want things a long time before we get them, and the fact that we want them a long time makes them all the more precious when they come.

~Joseph F. Smith

...and so, she had me at page one."

I couldn't have said it better Mrs. R. I feel blessed not to be alone in this world.

... And I can't wait until I get to read this to our little one.

Happenings

Oh what do you do in the summer time?

-Find your baby by sending crazy messages to family with loads of passalong cards. (CHECK!)

-Remind your new students that summer is almost over, mail them insanely expensive back to school packets, and tell them to get super excited to meet their wacky teacher in a couple weeks. (CHECK!)

-Go through a quarter life crisis and die your hair the same color as your last name. (CHECK!) Okay, it isn't totally black. But there is black in it and underneath. Weird huh? I kind of like it.

A walk in the garden: July

The raspberries are officially in. For the last week I have been picking a handful or so each day. Yesterday was the first day I realized I actually needed a bowl. Yesterday morning was a gorgeous, warm, drizzley, silent morning. I wish I had these more often. My guess is that the raspberries will peak in about a week or so. If you want some talk to me! I honestly believe that raspberries are best eaten in the early morning right off of the bush. I think that is how the Lord intended it. And that is what I did. I also picked more than I could eat and froze them. I need to start my smoothie stash again. We ran out in about April this year. Maybe I can do enough to get us to next July.

Care to walk through the rest of my garden? Don't mind the weeds please.
These are my favorite apples. Very sweet, but they have kick! And when they are ripe they are PINK! This tree only blossoms every other year, so I am happy to see these ladies back. They will be ready end of september, early october. 
Apricots. Not many of them this year. I think our cold spring had something to do with it.
Plums. We have quite a few of these. They do pretty well.
This is one of my mystery bushes. It has BEAUTIFUL red berries which I assumed to be choke cherries because they were pretty sour. Apparently not sour enough. Someone told me they thought they were Chinese Cherries. Is there such a thing? The really dark ones actually are pretty sweet, but the peel is sour. If I had the time I bet this would make a really yummy and pretty jelly.
The whole mystery bush. We need to prune. I know. Poor bush.
Grapes. Really good grape juice, early September.

Pears. They are usually ready end of october, really sweet, but they are rock hard. I have to let them sit for a week or two. Also the peel is disgusting. It feels like sand paper. But peeled and soft, it is delish. 
Mystery berry #2. I am thinking maybe blueberries? The birds eat them before they are totally ripe, so they never finish changing color. They taste like a bland blueberry and have the same texture. KENZIE S! Help me out!

My tomaters are getting out of control in our green house. The hot heat though makes them grow crazy. I had a red one this morning and it was perfect. Hopefully in the next month I will be making some serious salsa!

Last but not least. My garden breakfast. My fresh picked raspberries in honey bunches of oats. YUM!

Playing in Provo

After the reunion, I got to spend a little time in Provo and visit with some people I love. I stayed with my Biffsil Sarise, Boyd & Frogger. My brother Josh was cool enough to come and visit. I haven't seen him in months! The last time he saw the little guy, he was a tiny baby, only a few days old. Isn't amazing how fast they grow??? As cool/dorky as I think my brother is, I have to admit he is kind of cute with babies... I think he may pass as being a cool uncle someday. Maybe even a good dad.

Sarise and I mad rag quilts. This will be Munchkey's Monkey quilt. They are fun, easy, and fool proof. No sewing expertise required. (Though a rotary cutter, mat, & straight edge help a ton!)
Time flies when you are having fun! Between playing ticket to ride ( my FAVE ), quilting, eating cheese cake, and shopping @park city, my few days with my favorite girl went by way to quick. This time next week she will probably be moving into her new place in IOWA! I MISS YOU ALREADY BIFFSIL!

Hardy Reunion

I guess I was having too much fun because we hardly took any pictures. We watched the kids play, held babies, watched a funny skit, roasted marshmallows, won a brand new dehydrator in the auction, and listened to some beautiful testimonies from this awesome family.

I think Heavenly Father knew I needed a little blessing this weekend because He sent me Jennifer. Jennifer is Daren’s cousin Kenny’s wife, and the mother of two adorable ADOPTED kids. Daren and I had no idea that our kids would have cousins that are adopted too. I am so excited! We talked forever and she was such a huge comfort to me.

In all honesty, the last few weeks were kind of hard as much as they were wonderful too. My nieces and nephews are so cute! There are defineately Black family traits. They all have GORGEOUS eyes. They are all so cleaver and cute. They all look like their parents. I got caught off guard for a second thinking about what Daren’s and my genes would look like mixed together. This was the first subconsious bio thought I had in a few months. I have been so focused on adoption the last little bit that this thought really surprised me. Then, regrettably enough, it made me sad. Sad that we will probably never get to see our genes in action.

But Jen strengthened me. And those two little kids of hers; they strengthened me too. They had the most beautiful skin, adorable wavy curls, and these melt in your heart smiles.  That’s when it hit me. It’s not so important that our children are created in our image, but in the image of our Heavenly Father. All children are beautiful because all children are delivered straight from heaven. I can’t wait to hold those little angel babies for the first time.

I also found out that our sister in law Gerb has nieces and nephews that are adopted! We keep getting touched by adoption and I keep feeling more and more blessed. I love this way we have chosen to build our forever family.

I'm hitting the refresh button, and getting a little inspiration from Andee

I am not a perfectionist, although, sometimes I think I should consider becoming one. Many times I find my self with this incredible desire to get it “just right” but I guess I am easy going enough, that if life happens in the process, I am okay with that.

Since I am a school teacher, every summer I try to find time to hit my life’s refresh button and start over again emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Life moves so fast now days, I think everyone should do this.

As part of this summer’s refresh button week, I am going to steal one of my blogger friend’s ideas. Andee Leigh is one of my favorite blogs to read. She is an amazing birthparent, and has really helped shape my perspective on open adoption. You can meet her here. Andee did this fantastic post a few months back called “101 goals in 1001 days”. She has inspired me and now I am going to give it a try.

In the Bible, Matthew 5:48 says:

“Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.”

This scripture always boggled my mind. Seriously??? How in this world could I be perfect? Come on. We are talking about ME here.

Then I read the footnotes:

48 a JST Matt. 5:50 Ye are there for commanded to be perfect…

b GR complete, finished, fully developed.

I guess my version of perfect was that I could never be imperfect and that those imperfections kept me from being perfect.

However, when you look at God’s definition of perfect: complete, finished, fully developed—That makes me feel like that is a little more attainable. Nephi talks about how there is no commandment given to man without a way to accomplish it. D&C admonishes us to be anxiously engaged in a good cause. Maybe with Andee’s 101 in 1001 I can get a little closer to being complete, finished, or fully developed—maybe even a little closer to perfect.

Is anyone interested in what my 101 goals are? If you are, take a peek below. BTW G-day is June 12, 2012.

1. Become a Mom by “finding” and not “waiting”.
   
2. Create our forever family by taking munchkin to the temple with us.
   
3. Read the BOM again.
   
4. Go to the temple everyday for a week.
   
5. Go to the temple once a month for a year straight, and hopefully longer than that.
   
6. Plan spontaneous dream date for Daren.
   
7. Finish my Master’s Degree.
   
8. Earn a raise.
   
9. Learn how to cook beans from stratch and like them.
   
10. Watch all the Harry Potter movies, marathon style.
    
11. Exercise every day for a month.
    
12. Run a 5k fun run.
    
13. Finish my 1^st grade curriculum map.
    
14. Meet a birthmom and give her a hug.
    
15. Go to the FSA national conference
    
16. Give out my 500 pass along cards that are coming in the mail this week!
    
17. Finish my 5 sewing projects.
    
18. Make a crib quilt.
    
19. Try dyeing my hair brown. 7/31/09
    
20. Read my scriptures daily for a month strait, and hopefully longer!
    
21. Read an issue of conference talks cover to cover
    
22. Stay away from my blog and facebook for a whole week (That one may be impossible.)
    
23. Hit my ideal weight and keep it off.
    
24. Learn to loose my sweet tooth.
    
25. Start an Etsy store
    
26. Sell something cute on Etsy
    
27. Organize my closet
    
28. Give 2 bags of clothes to the DI or someone in need
    
29. Can all the apples I can in 2009
    
30. Can all the peaches I can in 2010
    
31. Go to the cannery and can things for food storage
    
32. Photograph every member of my family
    
33. Organize my craft room
    
34. Put together our nursery (I don’t know if I can bear to do this until we get picked so hopefully we get picked in the next 1001 days.)
    
35. Grow some strawberries that don’t die.
    
36. Write Seth on his mission (I am so bad at this.) 7/22/09
    
37. Write Trevor on his mission (Come on Trev!)
    
38. Go to Josh’s Wedding (Come on Josh’s future wife!)
    
39. Watch my husband graduate (Come on hubbster!)
    
40. Get a digital coverter box. We haven’t watched tv in weeks.
    
41. Plan and carryout a backpacking trip.
    
42. Meet up with Adrienne and go shopping.
    
43. Go see our Family in Texas.
    
44. Leave work everyday by 4:00 for a month.
    
45. Don’t work on Saturdays for a month.
    
46. Pick my master’s project topic
    
47. Research my master’s project
    
48. Write my Master’s project paper.
    
49. Survive the oral defense of my master’s project.
    
50. Survive my 8 hour written exam for my M.ed
    
51. Do something way exciting for our 5^th wedding anniversary.
    
52. Have a fun birthday party for my ‘golden’ birthday {#27}
    
53. Learn how to digital scrapbook.
    
54. Make a digital scrapbook.
    
55. Send every family member I have a birthday card for a year. (Holy guacamole.)
    
56. Paint the bathroom.
    
57. Finish painting the cabinets.
    
58. Finish painting the laundry room.
    
59. Take the dogs on a walk 5 days a week for a month.
    
60. Visit Minnesota before my parents move.
    
61. Fly somewhere warm when Idaho is cold.
    
62. Give away my extra fruit during harvest.
    
63. Donate 10 feet of food in our school thanksgiving food drive.
    
64. Do the 12 days of Christmas for someone.
    
65. Go to the beach.
    
66. Don’t complain about anything for an entire day.
    
67. Cook dinner every night for a month.
    
68. NO eating out for a month.
    
69. Give up soda for a month.
    
70. Find a new favorite book.
    
71. Make a favorite recipe cookbook.
    
72. Build a snowman with Daren.
    
73. Convince my Young Women to build a snow fort in my yard with me.
    
74. Try snowboarding.
    
75. Try skiing.
    
76. Read a book by a GA
    
77. Save $100 by using coupons and shopping sales in one grocery trip.
    
78. Spoil some nephews or nieces rotten one day.
    
79. Shoot one of Daren’s rifles.
    
80. Go on a random adventure.
    
81. Go to Porter’s with my mom. 9/1/09
    
82. Pick Raspberries with my dad.
    
83. Go yardsaleing.
    
84. Become someone’s “secret sista” and do random acts of kindness for a month.
    
85. Make treats for my coworkers for no good reason.
    
86. Brush snow off of people’s cars anonymously.
    
87. Take a nap in the hammock.
    
88. Get the garden ready in the fall for next spring.
    
89. Plant and keep alive an AMAZING garden .
    
90. Write a lullaby for munchkey.
    
91. Do a week of blog posts dedicated to people I love.
    
92. Organize my classroom library.
    
93. Watch a caterpillar change into a butterfly.
    
94. Pay of my credit card every month or better yet, don’t use it at all.
    
95. Go to every family reunion.
    
96. Babysit for someone for free.
    
97. Do RAK’s for Daren everyday for a month.
    
98. Go to all 4 sessions of General Conference and stay awake and love it!
    
99. Have a yard sale
    
100. Spend the entire day with Daren doing nothing but fun stuff.
     
101. Give $1 for everything I don’t get done by 6/12/12 to Humanitarian aid.
     

Wish me luck!